Confessions of a Bartender

Confessions of a Bartender — Sun, 02 Dec 2012 09:15:27 +0000

guy orders a beer and says ”can you give that bud light to that girl over there in the pink”

so help me god. if i go on this wild-goose chase, you better show some gratitude.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 09:11:41 +0000

if you order a bunch of car bombs and don’t leave a tip, you are one of the worst guys in the bar.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sat, 20 Oct 2012 08:45:13 +0000

Check out @BartenderConfes on twitter….sometimes dual posts, but mostly just another outlet for how stupid and annoying you are.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sat, 20 Oct 2012 08:41:13 +0000

when i hear “hey bartender!” just know that i’m only turning around so that i see who to ignore.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 08:02:43 +0000

you lean over the bar as far as you possibly can. you get directly in my face. inches away. and you scream your stupid ass retarded drink order directly in my face. you do this relentlessly. i eventually get to you and serve you and you pick your quarter off the bar. you are dead to me.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 07:56:44 +0000

i do not give a flying fuck if the pen won’t write. do not poke me with it.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 08:41:29 +0000

i can’t hear you if you fucking whisper, you retard.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 08:35:38 +0000

yeah. i really like that. please continue to lean in as much as humanly possible and almost touch me with your face.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 08:33:08 +0000

you know what kind of group of people is my absolute favorite?

saudi arabians.

they are so happy and funny and loaded.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 08:31:08 +0000

so i guess you’re okay with “Hey Baby Girl!” being your last words.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 08:26:26 +0000

first he yelled “YO!”. “YO!”. “YO!”. HEY!. “YO!” then he asked me for a discount.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 08:14:27 +0000

this DUDE just demanded i put cherries in his drink.

then.

he bounced his change off the bar towards me as my tip.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sun, 11 Mar 2012 09:10:42 +0000

i was shocked when i looked at your credit card to put your name on your tab and it wasn’t “fucking moron”.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 09:14:28 +0000

If you insist on holding hands across the table, one of two things is going to happen. either i am going to avoid you like the plague and you will get shitty service. or just for fun i will interrupt you as much as possible.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 09:33:07 +0000

that guy that wrote ‘stay in school’ on the tip line that one time actually attempts to order a drink from me. stand there and wait asshole.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 09:19:46 +0000

just because your hand is the highest or the most in my face, it doesn’t mean youre next

Confessions of a Bartender — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 09:10:35 +0000

if you want the bartender that’s down on the other end of the bar. then go down to the other end of the bar.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 09:08:42 +0000

you saying “will you get her next? she’s been standing there a really long time.” is basically the same as telling me i suck at my job. i know she’s been standing there a long time. so has everyone else. i’m fucking slammed.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 09:04:05 +0000

Me giving you the shots.

you: royal flushes??! [snotty look]

me. yah

you: they’re supposed to be green! [saying it mean like a jerkoff]

whos the bartender? me. or you.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 08:57:50 +0000

seriously. buttery nipple shots are nothing more than sugar and cream. ew. no more.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 08:55:05 +0000

the guy that’s 15 feet away with his hand up in the air. haha. always makes me laugh.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 08:54:06 +0000

you bitches that pick up your quarters are shameless.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 09:36:07 +0000

5 shots. 2 beers. 3 drinks. aaaaaand no tip. you stupid dumb whore.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 09:34:48 +0000

when i ask you if you need cups for your pitcher, it’s the same god damn thing as me asking you how many you need. don’t just say “yea” and then stand there like a dummy.

Confessions of a Bartender — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 09:33:06 +0000

First he screamed “YO!” directly in my face. Then he ordered 5 Irish Car Bombs. Ugh. I hate him so much.